Monday, March 7, 2011

Things I can't say out loud

I miss my ex. I do not miss being with him. I miss him as a person. He was amazing.He didn't know how to have enemies.He could hear any song and play it on his acoustic guitar.He always played the guitar for me when I was sad,it cheered me up.I could tell him anything and he never got mad at me,ever.
The day I lost our child,I lost love. Not just my love towards him.My love for me,my family,my friends and everyone else.
The hardest thing is still knowing that he doesn't know.All I ever told him was the pregnancy test was incorrect and I wasn't pregnant.
Sometimes I feel like he has the right to know,but if I couldn't hurt him then,how could I do it now? I can't. It sucks to carry the pain around by myself.
I have so much love in my life right now.My wonderful husband,my absolutely beautiful daughter,my family...I am so afraid that I will always feel like something is missing.
I sent my ex a message on facebook when I saw that he has a baby girl. I was so happy for him,yet heart broken at the same time.I wanted to cry to him,tell him why I left and why I couldn't love him any more.Instead I told him how happy I am for him.


  1. I'm so sorry, that's a terrible thing to have to keep bottled up inside. I'm glad you're able to share it with us, I hope it helps you, even if it's just a little. <3 I'll be thinking of you...

  2. hugs sent over the interwebs don't have the same feeling as real ones, so know that I am wishing I could hug you right now :(

  3. Thank you ladies.Sometimes I just have to complain. :)

  4. You are such a strong, sweet and amazing person, Jenna.